Conspiracy Nation -- Vol. 9 Num. 16

("Quid coniuratio est?")


Despite "prophets of doom" like Sherman Skolnick and Lyndon LaRouche, the stock market continues to go up, up, up. Even this editor has been burdened by quaint ideas: for example, his antiquated belief that manufacturing moving outside the U.S., and wealth not being produced here, meant market gains must be an illusion -- hence "the big crash" must be imminent.

How silly and old-fashioned! There are plenty of maneuvers waiting in the wings to help puff up the bubble ever more. Like prison labor, for example. Smart yuppies who by day sagely nodded and agreed that NAFTA was what's best for America, by night phoned their stockbrokers with orders to invest in corporations headed toward Mexico. These same smooth talkers can now pontificate on how they care so much about prisoner rehabilitation then phone their brokers and order them to buy, buy, buy stock in "Prison Blues." The smart money now sees that slave wages paid to prison labor means big bucks for yuppie puppies.

The smart money will also invest in private companies moving into the prison industry. With "tough on crime" a sure win for political candidates, increasing repression is assured. For the savvy investor, now is the time to invest in prisons. Just think what a grand, fine house you'll be able to buy with all the money pouring in!

Just think of the money you might have made if you'd just invested in big oil companies! I know, I know: you were worried about the deal Iraq was making, to export oil in exchange for food. You thought for sure the extra oil on the market would drive down the price of "October crude" and oil stocks would go down. You saw that piece on 60 Minutes by Leslie Stahl about the hundreds of thousands of children starving to death in Iraq due to "sanctions against Saddam" and you, you dummy, you actually believed that some sort of "moral outrage" (oh please!) would open the door for export of oil from Iraq. You really make me laugh sometimes! "Moral outrage" -- oh puhl-EEZ!

Market scoffers and doom-and-gloomers kept pointing to monumental Clinton scandals of a staggering multitude. Erroneously they foresaw the fall of the Yuppie Dream Regime once the watchdog press alerted Mr. and Mrs. America to Clinton sleaze. But Mr. and Mrs. America were heavily invested in mutual funds! And the watchdog press were raking in big bucks thanks to Third World slave wages benefiting multinational corporations of which they were shareholders! Come on! Sure, they might wear a little ribbon and put on the latest sharing-caring talk. But really risk threatening their investments with anything uncomfortable like the truth? Sheesh!

Get wise! These characters muttering all the time about "dire economy" and "day of reckoning" are quaint relics from horse and buggy days. The market is going up, up, up. Scoffers be damned, you can make some good money! And you'll be providing employment too. If not for you, it would be hard times for waiters and waitresses at trendy night spots. Without you, there'd be a slump in the police and prison industry. Why, when you get right down to it, you are one of the good guys! So forget about these nuts groaning about "right" and "wrong." (You'll notice that they're all poor.) Dare to dream big dreams, of mansions and fancy cars.

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Aperi os tuum muto, et causis omnium filiorum qui pertranseunt. Aperi os tuum, decerne quod justum est, et judica inopem et pauperem. -- Liber Proverbiorum XXXI: 8-9