("Quid coniuratio est?")
FLYING HIGH WITH COMMANDER BILLY JEFF
"A Scenario"
[...continued...]
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Billy Jeff gave the nod to the old boozer down at the end of the bar, then left the tavern.
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The "old boozer" pulled a pistol with silencer from his coat, strode swiftly up to the bartender and shot him dead, right between the eyes.
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He removed the silencer, then placed the pistol in the now dead bartender's right hand. Another "suicide".
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Back in the limousine, Commander Billy Jeff was on the phone with Dee Dee, his press liaison. "What's on the schedule?" he asked.
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"We've arranged it that the media is going to discover you at a bookstore. You are going to be surprised by them as you exit with an armful of books."
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"Say," mused The Commander, "will I get to make a speech?"
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"No!! Please, not that... er, I mean uh, no. Given that you have been discovered by surprise, a speech wouldn't look right."
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"Oh, darn... Hey, you think maybe I can give a speech later on? How about to some poor rubes in some hick town... Hey! Like Galesburg, Illinois! Aren't I scheduled for there?"
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"Sure," answered Dee Dee. "Those small-town bozos will be so amazed at your visit that we can get them to act enthusiastic. No problem."
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The limousine pulled up at a local bookseller's. The camera crews were already setting up when Billy Jeff entered the store. Rita Braver watched in worshipful silence.
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Fifteen minutes later, Commander Billy Jeff exited the store with an armful of books. Rita Braver reported, live: "Gosh, Dan. What a surprise! Quite by chance we have this live video of Commander Billy Jeff finishing up some shopping here at a local book store. Gosh! I'm all ga-ga! I feel just like a teenage girl!"
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Billy Jeff paused before entering the limo. He looked off into the distance, as if he was seeing some vast future. Rita Braver almost swooned. Dan Blather cut in to ask, "Rita, is it true that Billy Jeff is a Yale man?"
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Rita, always the "professional", pulled out of her swoon. "That's correct, Dan. He (like myself, I blush to add) attended elite universities. We are, if I do say so myself, the creme de la creme. (That's French, you know.)"
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The limousine, with Commander Billy Jeff inside, drove off into the sunset. Rita Braver wrapped it all up: "And there you have it. I'm going to buy a bunch of teenage magazines and have a pajama party. Back to you, Dan."
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Back at the White House, Billy Jeff sat in the oval office, drumming his fingers on the table. This moment of reverie did not last long. "Say, I sure am hungry," he said.
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He picked up the phone and called down to the White House kitchen.
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Chef Pierre answered the phone. "Oui?"
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"Say, Pierre, how's about rustlin' me up some grub?"
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"Ah, oui... Monsieur is hungry."
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"Oui, oui, Pierre. I sure could go for some of that fine French cooking. Like, you know, maybe some French hamburgers and some French fries."
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"Ah, but of course! Commander Beeley Jeff, I weel get right on eet."
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Chef Pierre hung up the phone, but did not rise from his chair. "Eh, Louie!" he called.
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Louie, the assistant chef, looked up. "Oui?"
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"Meester Potato Head ees hungry. Go to zee McDonalds for zee fine French cooking."
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Commander Billy Jeff finished the last of the hamburgers that Louie had brought. He wiped his mouth. "No one can cook a hamburger like the French!" he belched. "I just love that fine French cooking!"
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The phone rang. It was Billy Jeff's old buddy from Arkansas, Dan Lizard! "Hey, Billy Jeff!" said Dan. "Get on the Air Force One and get down here! We're havin' a wild cocaine party! There's tons of high school chicks!"
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"Hot dog!" replied the Commander. "Cocaine party! High school chicks! I'm on my way!"
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Commander Billy Jeff called down to the Secret Service. "Hey, Secret Service! Fire up Air Force One and get me a 'copter on the front lawn! I'm on a diplomatic investigative mission to Arkansas!"
[...to be continued...]
I encourage distribution of "Conspiracy Nation."
Coming to you from Illinois -- "The Land of Skolnick"