Conspiracy Nation -- Vol. 11  Num. 66
                     ("Quid coniuratio est?")


JANUARY: Martin Luther King Day. Supposed to honor a great American. Really, a day for whites to feel guilty about being white, and for blacks to wonder, "Who exactly =did= kill Dr. King, since it wasn't James Earl Ray?"

FEBRUARY: Presidents Day. Supposed to honor two great Americans, George Washington and Abraham Lincoln. Really, a day of "this day only" furniture sales. Plenty of commercials with George and Abe at the fabulous furniture sale.

MARCH: St. Patrick's Day. Meant to honor Irish memories of "the auld sod." Really, a day to get drunk.

APRIL: Easter. Meant for lofty contemplation on the concept that God came to Earth, lived as a man, experienced first-hand what that meant, and triumphed over evil. Really, a day to dress up for the "Easter parade," (thereby benefiting clothing merchants). Also, a day to give candy to the kids, courtesy of the "Easter Bunny."

MAY: Memorial Day. Meant to be a day honoring the thousands of average Americans who gave their lives in a cause =they=, at least, believed in. Really, a 3-day weekend! Short vacations and outdoor barbecues.

JUNE: Flag Day. Meant to freshen historical memory and pride in the dream of America. Really, everyone forgets all about it.

JULY: Fourth of July. Meant to celebrate our nation's independence from the plots, cruelties, ignorance and tyrannies of the Old World (Europe). Really, a day of barbecues, and parades featuring corporate floats and politicians. It will be hard to turn this holiday into a yearly 3-day weekend; it is saved from meddling by its very name: =Fourth= of July.

AUGUST: No major holiday! So this month has the "create your own holiday" holiday: everyone goes on vacation.

SEPTEMBER: Labor Day. Meant to honor the American worker, the actual =producer= of the =real= wealth, which gets robbed from him by Monopoly Capitalists and the government. Really, a 3-day weekend. Short vacations and outdoor barbecues.

OCTOBER: Halloween. A Satanic holiday. Candy for the kids, costumes and parties for the adults.

NOVEMBER: Thanksgiving. Officially declared a holiday by Abraham Lincoln, so that we might pause and give thanks for our many blessings. Really, national gluttony day.

DECEMBER: Christmas. Meant as a day to pause and consider that God cared enough about us to be born as a man. Really, materialism reigns. Spellings of "Santa" and "Satan" almost identical.

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