Conspiracy Nation -- Vol. 10 Num. 56

("Quid coniuratio est?")

STRANGE NEWS

I call this issue "Strange News" due to the source for the following: "The Weekly World News" (5/20/97), available at fine grocery stores everywhere. Due to the nature of the source, readers are advised to take that into consideration when they evaluate what follows.

Cuba: A dishwasher was caught urinating on a hamburger intended for Cuban dictator Fidel Castro. The dishwasher fled the scene, but when Fidel heard about it he ordered that the man be caught and executed. The dishwasher was subsequently captured and shot dead.

South Africa: A company in this African nation is marketing "Wondercuffs," an electronic monitoring device which the parent slips around their teenager's ankle. If the teen wanders beyond a predefined radius (up to 6 miles), the device phones the parent and the parent can immediately speak with the teen and ask him why he's outside the perimeter.

Los Angeles: "Boomerang bullets" are being slipped, by "undercover agents," into boxes of ordinary ammunition sold illegally on the street. The bullets are designed to turn around in mid-air and kill whoever fires the gun.

Utah: A "Professor Lloyd Cuningdale" has unearthed a time capsule left by the Donner party in 1847. The Donner party was trapped by heavy snow and when their food ran out they resorted to cannibalism to stay alive. Reportedly they made predictions as they sat around munching on human flesh. Among the reported predictions:
** The American Civil War
** The sinking of the Titanic
** In 1960 a Catholic would be elected President but would be killed by conspirators.
** Economic disaster: "First in 1929 and again in 1998... The rich men will become poor."
** January 1999: Lucifer comes to earth. ** Aliens invade in 2004
** Biological weapons, and specifically one killer biological weapon, will kill us all in 2016.

Houston: Dr. Marvin Greib, a former consultant to NASA, supposedly has leaked part of a transcript of conversations made by astronauts on board the Discovery space ship. Two of the astronauts reportedly talk about seeing "at least 100,000 'huge glowing spacecraft' flying in formation around the Earth." Greib claims the intent of the alien spacecrafts is "warlike." Apparently the attack will come by Christmas. Hey! Don't those aliens know they're supposed to wait until 2004 before they attack! (See previous story.)

Coos Bay, Oregon: An alien spacecraft has washed ashore. According to "noted bio-physicist" Dr. William Labbash, he and his staff have concluded it is "indeed an extraterrestrial spacecraft." Labbash reportedly will not disclose whether or not any corpses of space beings were found. And "insiders" say that President Bill Clinton is "very concerned" -- as if he doesn't have enough already to worry about!

Bangkok, Thailand: Police are now using dwarfs instead of dogs to sniff for drugs. "Nobody knows why, but those little guys can sniff out a cache of drugs better than any dog ever could," reportedly states a Thai cop.

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       of Conspiracy Nation, nor of its Editor in Chief.
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